


Mit dem Herzen denken

by Soronya



Category: Rammstein
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, I Am Not Even Sorry, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Online Dating, POV Alternating, but since they are both kind of oblivious irl, online dating portal, this is kind of silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:40:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24214585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soronya/pseuds/Soronya
Summary: Paul had registered himself on an online dating portal to finally get over Richard. His pining for him had reached an unhealthy level and apparently, desperate times called for desperate measures. Unfortunately, the plan doesn’t work out.
Relationships: Richard Kruspe/Paul Landers
Comments: 22
Kudos: 95





	1. Kann man Herzen brechen

**Author's Note:**

> Woo, I am back with another fic for this fandom. It got inspired by [this wonderful photo](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/694185661774823507/711168098258124840/Rammstein_group_39.png) and then I got carried away. This is supposed to be a fanfic with two chapters, let's hope I can keep it that way. The second chapter already is half-way done, so maybe I can update this fic soon!  
> This fic doesn't have an exact date for when it takes place, but since the photo was taken during the LIFAD-era, I'd settle for that time.  
> Thank you to my wonderful beta [Milrekki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milrekki), who not only made this whole work a lot of better but who also cheered for me when I didn't know how to continue. Thank you ♥  
> Title is a line from Rammstein's "Links 2, 3, 4"

Paul took a big sip of his coffee and leaned back on his couch, trying to get comfortable while balancing his laptop on his knees.

He had tried to be patient for the majority of the day and he had wanted to wait till the evening, but his anticipation ultimately won. It took a ridiculous time for the laptop to finally boot up and Paul drummed with his fingers on the touchpad, wanting to fasten the process.

After what seemed like hours, he could finally open his browser and immediately navigated to the website he had registered himself on two days ago. He almost felt ashamed for having created an account like that, but if he was honest with himself, he was getting desperate. So why not try it?

Of course, nobody expected a more or less widely known guitarist needing to sign up on a dating website to find a partner. But really, how else was he supposed to find someone who wasn’t a strange groupie or a celebrity he ran into on the red carpet? And thanks, but no thanks, to both options.

Paul logged in and grinned when he saw he had three unread messages. That was something, at least. He hadn’t expected many more, to be honest, since his profile was more or less a mystery. He had chosen a photo showing his hands playing the guitar since he really didn’t want to attract the attention of the press. There was hardly anything worse than the news of him having a dating profile spreading like wildfire all over the internet.

His description said he was looking for a serious relationship, either with a woman or a man, who shared his love for music and good wine. It said he enjoyed photography, liked spending time outside and only smoked occasionally. He had also clarified that his partner-to-be had to accept the fact that he often wasn’t at home due to his work. This wasn’t a lie, really, but maybe the people didn’t need to know he was a professional musician from the beginning.

He opened his messages and started reading the first one but got bored after the second sentence. No creativity, no originality, just the same old  _ hello my name is  _ and  _ I work in an office _ small-talk he could definitely forgo. The second one was written by a woman who simply asked for a quick fuck. Seriously, hadn’t she at least bothered to read his profile? What about  _ I am looking for something serious _ didn’t she get?

Paul shook his head and deleted that message, opening the last one. That one, too, was a disappointment. The text was even quite nice, but the man in the picture looked as if he was at least seventy-five and thus he definitely was not his type. Paul even thought about answering him, at least, but he came to the conclusion he’d just make it worse that way, so he deleted that message, too.

He sighed. Well, what did he expect? That after two days he’d get the perfect match and find the love of his life? Of course not. He really shouldn’t give up on this so quickly, so instead of just logging off out of sheer disappointment, he clicked on the link that said  _ suggestions _ , to look for someone’s profile he’d like.

There were plenty of people that somehow seemed to match his requirements, at least according to the artificial intelligence that made the calculations and tried to find similarities. Apparently, that artificial intelligence wasn’t the brightest candle on the cake, since the first ten profile pictures looked everything but promising.

He scrolled down and almost wanted to close the tab when one profile picture caught his attention. It was a photo of a man, showing only two hands crossed in front of his chest, a cigarette dangling between two fingers. The picture was in black and white, except for the nails, which were painted in a bright red colour.

_ Richard _ , Paul immediately thought and his heart started racing. Oh my God, that couldn’t,  _ shouldn’t _ be Richard, he thought, hovering with his mouse over the picture, not yet ready to click on it. He wasn’t sure whether it’d be a disappointment if this wasn’t Richard after all or a pure relief.

Paul was overrun with all kinds of emotions immediately. First, his whole body flushed in heat, then a cold shiver ran down his spine before nervousness spread through his stomach and he started to feel some kind of strange hope bubbling up.

It was stupid, really. It had been stupid from the beginning, but apparently, you had not much influence on your emotions. They just happened. And thus, it had happened that Paul had, over the years and very creepingly, developed a quite serious crush for Richard. He couldn’t pinpoint when and especially  _ why _ it had started, but once he had been able to put a finger on the mess of emotions, it had already been too late to back out of them.

Paul had realised it simply was nice to spend time with Richard. Going out for dinner, jamming a bit, talking about nonsense. Richard was a good company and even good-looking on top of that. It had crept into Paul’s mind without him even realising it at first – he wanted to kiss those beautiful lips, wanted to touch those abs, wanted to feel Richard’s skin beneath his fingertips. 

The longing for Richard had been a constant in his life for a while now and exactly the reason why he had set up this stupid dating profile. He needed to get Richard out of his head since it couldn’t be good for the band if he constantly swooned over him. Also, if he didn’t stop it soon, he was sure the other band members would end up realising something was off.

Good thing they weren’t touring at the moment and didn’t plan to release an album any time soon. The rehearsals they did were mostly short and just for fun, fooling around together and not working on something specific. This way, Paul had been able to hide his pining over Richard pretty well and thought that nobody else had noticed it.

His feelings for Richard were another reason why Paul had created this stupid profile on a dating site. He should definitely get over his bandmate since it would never be more than swooning a bit over him. Well, maybe more than a bit, but there had never been the chance of this becoming something serious.

Hell, Paul didn’t even know whether Richard was interested in men when it came to a serious relationship. Of course, Richard had messed around – the whole band had during their early days, but it had been just that. Messing around. They all had kissed other men and occasionally each other after concerts when they had been really drunk. It hadn’t been a big deal for them. As simple a that.

For Paul himself, well, he’d never made a secret out of his interest in men and yet somehow it seemed that either nobody seemed to care  _ at all _ , or that his bandmates simply were ridiculously oblivious of it. Paul couldn’t even resent them since he hadn’t had a more or less serious relationship with a man since Feeling B was still being successful.

Flake definitely knew, though. But he wasn’t one for gossip, not at all. He mostly kept those things to himself and if he talked about private matters, he mostly kept names out of it. Paul himself had never seen the necessity of telling everyone. He could talk the whole day – and to be honest, he did exactly that. But the topic never really came up and so he never actually talked about it.

It had never been an issue, either. Until it became one the moment Richard and he became friends. Close friends. And Paul suddenly had started to realise how attractive and appealing Richard was, especially after getting fond of his character, too.

That didn’t help the overall situation, quite the contrary. It was hard for him to keep his composure and not to stare too blatantly. Registering on a dating portal should have helped him, but now he stared at the hands with painted fingernails and kind of hoped it was just a bad joke or some unlucky coincidence.

Paul took a deep breath, then clicked the profile. After the very short moment the page needed to load, Paul blinked twice to make sure he wasn’t dreaming or imagining stuff since he dreaded to believe what he saw. 

It definitely  _ was _ Richard, without doubts. Although the profile didn’t give away his full name, his initials R and K were quite a giveaway in combination with that photo. His short bio said he was living in Berlin, was a heavy smoker and went nowhere without his guitar. He preferred a good movie over a book and was looking for a partner who could understand him even without words.

And then, Paul discovered the small, but most important detail and his heart skipped two beats before it started racing in his chest. Richard was looking for a man or a woman. Richard was interested in men. Richard was fucking willing to date a man.

Fuck.

This was good. And bad. Paul didn’t know how to react. He just stared at Richard’s profile and hoped for a miracle. This hadn’t been supposed to happen. There should have been another man or woman who should have distracted him from Richard. A person he could have fallen in love with.

Now, he kept staring at Richard’s profile picture and wondered if fate was trying to shit him. Paul had been trying to get over him, he really had. But now the whole operation of getting a profile on a dating portal had backfired. Knowing that he even had a chance to date Richard wasn’t improving his overall mental state. It made him question why Richard, out of all people, should even be interested in him.

In Paul, his bandmate, his friend for so many years, the man he had despised for a long time before they finally managed to work out their discrepancies. Richard and himself, they were like fire and ice, hot and cold, yes and no. And yet they clicked, worked together, fitted together like two pieces of a puzzle.

It was a strange mixture, but Paul felt drawn to Richard and in his presence, he could relax and just be himself without having to hide anything. He really wanted to know how it felt to do more than simply hugging him or sitting close beside him on the couch, legs pressed together.

Paul wanted to kiss Richard, wanted to find out how his lips tasted under his own, how his skin felt beneath his fingertips, how he smelt when coming freshly out of the shower, how he sounded during sex.

Fuck, now he was getting desperate again. Paul groaned, running a hand over his face and tried to think of something different. Which was, under the given circumstances, not that easy. He was just about to log off and close the browser when he realised Richard would be able to see that he had looked at his profile.

The dating portal allowed the users to see who had last viewed their profile. A feature Paul hadn’t really cared much about, till this moment. Because if Richard saw that someone had found his profile and realised it was Paul out of all people, it would definitely ensure a very high level of awkwardness the next time they would meet. Even though Paul had not uploaded a picture of his face or written down his full name, he was sure Richard could put two and two together. And that would end in a catastrophe, Paul was sure of it. 

Shit.

What should he do? What could he do? He definitely needed to do  _ something _ before Richard logged in and found out who had stalked his profile during the last day. Fuck, why on earth had they both created accounts on the same dating portal? There were dozens of them – yet of course, they had ended up on the same.

Paul groaned, emotionally being on the verge of desperation, as an idea struck him. He could simply delete his account and hope that way he could prevent Richard from making conclusions he was so not ready for.

Damn, he had planned to stay longer on that bloody dating portal, but maybe this was a blessing in disguise since that kind of websites were always a bit dubious. Still, Paul had hoped it could have at least distracted him, even if he wouldn’t find the big love in the end.

He navigated through the settings of his account until he found the button with which he could delete it. Hesitating for a split second, he shook his head in resignation and clicked it. A push-up notification popped up, asking him whether he was sure or not to delete everything.

Paul confirmed.

Now, there was no going back and he should be glad that he’d found a way out. However, something inside of him made him question what could have happened if he had had the guts to send Richard a message.

Apparently, he’d never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated ♥


	2. Können Herzen sprechen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is the next chapter for you! And of course, I couldn't stick to my plan to only write two chapters, so a third one is coming, hopefully, next Sunday. I can't promise it, though, because a busy week lies ahead of me, but I have already started writing it!  
> A huge thank you, as always, goes out to my wonderful beta and friend [Milrekki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milrekki) and to all of you who left kudos and comments! ♥

Richard dropped onto his couch and immediately lit up a cigarette. He had another hour in which he could do nothing but kill time before they would meet for their weekly band rehearsal. An hour was always too short to start anything new, but too long to just wait and relax and he didn’t like the feeling of waiting in his apartment before it was time to leave.

He booted up his computer, thinking it might be a good thing to check his dating portal account for new messages since he hadn’t done so in two days. To be honest, he didn’t really put much hope into this working out. Who the fuck would find their great love  _ online _ on a dating portal?

But well. Desperate times, desperate measures, or however you’d want to call it.  _ Truth  _ was, there was a certain someone he’d like to date.  _ Problem  _ was, there was no way that certain someone would agree. And by asking him out and inevitably getting turned down, he’d not only risk his sanity, but also the future of the band.

Besides, what was he supposed to say?  _ Hello Paul, let’s go on a date together _ ? Yeah – no. That was so not gonna happen. Paul would laugh at him and if Richard was lucky, he’d be able to sell it as a joke – and if he wasn’t, he’d make things  _ very _ awkward between them. It could only end in a disaster and Richard was not ready to risk that.

Richard wasn’t even quite sure in regard to Paul’s sexuality. He knew he must have some experience, especially from his time with  _ Feeling B _ . But Paul had always been pretty vague about it and Richard had never inquired for some reason. Now, after all this time, it’d be pretty awkward to simply reach out and ask Paul whether he ever had experiences with men.

Finally, he could log in and he saw that he had received two new messages and a bunch of friend requests. Richard didn’t care much about the friend requests since it were mostly creeps who wanted to check out his full profile and hoped for some more intimate pics to show up. He opened the first message and skimmed it.

The woman who wrote it seemed to be nice enough so he decided to answer with a few sentences, but he kept the personal things out of it. He didn’t have an all too positive feeling about ever going onto a date with her, however, he could at least reply to her and see where it’d lead.

The second message was from a man who asked for dick pics. For real? Why were there people like that? At least he didn’t send Richard some of his own cock, thank God. He quickly deleted that message and, out of curiosity, checked who had visited his profile. Maybe there were some attractive people whom he could write a short message and maybe start an interesting chat.

He scrolled over the list, checking out a few profile pictures and usernames, before reaching the three most recent visitors. Their photos were unspectacular and one of them didn’t even have a profile picture.

“Who the hell wouldn’t upload a picture?”, he muttered to himself and read the username.  _ LesPaul64 _ . 

Richard froze. Then, his heart started to race and he became all jittery.

Of course – it  _ could  _ be a coincidence. 

Many people liked the Les Paul guitars. Many people were born in 1964. Many people were called Paul.

But.

Maybe it… wasn’t a coincidence.

With shaking fingers he clicked on the username to see the profile, but only a pop-up appeared, informing him that this user apparently has deleted their profile. Richard growled and clenched his teeth in frustration. For sure he had deleted his account – and this was just another indication that it must be  _ him _ .

He  _ needed  _ to find out whether his gut feeling was tricking him or if it really was Paul, his bandmate, his friend, the man he had an unhealthy crush on, who had ended up on the same dating portal as Richard himself.

Fuck, this was going to be a hell of a rehearsal today. Richard ran his hands over his face and massaged the bridge of his nose. How was he supposed to behave around Paul? Of course, he couldn’t be sure whether it had really been  _ him  _ who had visited his profile and then ad hoc deleted his own account. But it was very,  _ very _ probable if you asked Richard.

He needed an idea, just a small plan, simply something to do so he wouldn’t start to panic once Paul would shoot him a suspicious look or avert his gaze. Fuck, he needed a way to approach the topic of online dating without having Paul suspect anything.

This was a bloody mess and definitely not what Richard had wanted when he signed up on this dating portal. And yet – something inside of him was actually humming with joy and hope and anticipation. He couldn’t believe it might actually be Paul – the man he had a crush on, the man he really wanted to kiss and hold in a tight hug during lazy morning cuddles. The man whom he wanted to undress, whose skin he wanted to explore with his lips and tongue, whose face he wanted to see last every day.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Richard was getting nervous and a quick look at his watch made him realise that he had to leave for the band rehearsal in ten minutes. And he had to come up with a plan on how to act around Paul or the day would end in a disaster.

Richard definitely wanted to inconspicuously make sure whether  _ LesPaul64  _ had been Paul’s profile or if his assumption had been wrong. Though he didn’t know what he’d do if it was really him. God, he was barely able to keep cool around Paul on a normal day. Richard ran a hand over his face and sighed.

As much as he wanted to find out the truth – he also dreaded it. What if it hadn’t been Paul? What if it had been but he deleted his account because he was disgusted by Richard? What if – fuck, this wasn’t helping at all.

He was running out of time and he still hadn’t thought of a bloody strategy. Great. This was going to be very awkward and he could only hope that nobody, especially not Till, would realise something was odd.

After having postponed his departure for as long as possible, he finally had taken his guitar and had gotten into his car, driving to their rehearsal room. Richard arrived there with a weird feeling in his stomach, but there wasn’t really anything he could do about it now. He needed to get his shit together and face his bandmates, especially Paul, with a straight face and stop himself from being overly jittery. The longer he’d postpone getting upstairs, the worse his anxiety about the current situation would get. 

However, he couldn’t stop himself from overthinking. He was totally going to fuck this up. Either Paul himself would realise something was off, or it’d be Till. Till seemed to be able to  _ smell  _ when something was out of the ordinary and he’d silently judge you with his gaze until you’d give in and talk to him. And then he’d pressure you into doing exactly what you’ve been dreading to do.

That was more or less how he found out about Richard liking men, too. Not that Richard had made a big secret out of it in the first place, but he hadn’t peddled it, either. Plus, Till was his friend, his very good friend, to be specific, so it was natural the conversation had led to this topic once and as soon as Till had gotten wind of Richard seriously being interested in men, he hadn’t stopped pestering him until he knew all the dirty little secrets.

Richard sighed when he finally stood in front of the door of the rehearsal room. He could hear his bandmates talking on the other side, so he straightened himself, took a deep breath and opened it. 

“Richard!”, Till exclaimed and smiled broadly at him. He stood in the middle of a half-circle around the drumset Schneider sat behind, Flake and Olli to his left. Paul sat barefoot on a stool, his guitar on his lap. His eyes widened as his gaze met Richard’s, his left hand clenching around the guitar neck.

Richard’s heart started to sputter since his visible nervousness was just another indication that it indeed had been Paul who had had an account on that dating portal. Fuck, that didn’t make the whole situation easier. Although Richard did get his hopes up, he simply did not know how to react. What should he do? How should he behave? And how should he be able to not stare at Paul for the next few hours?

“Hey!” Richard greeted, trying to fix his attention onto Till. “Sorry for being late.”

“Not a problem,” Schneider answered. “We were just getting started anyway.”

“Besides – it’s not that we’re rehearsing for a new album or something,” Flake added.

Richard smiled and nodded in agreement, then opened his guitar case to take his instrument out. Sitting down on the couch, his guitar on his knees, he threw a glance at Paul who surprisingly had said nothing for once. A clear sign that something was off. Of course, it could have been for another reason – it wasn’t that Paul’s strange behaviour could have only come from having created a dating portal account. It could have been for a billion reasons. Richard somehow needed to make sure his assumption was correct without being to obvious about it.

He was pulled from his thoughts when Schneider started drumming, setting a rhythm, and Oliver joined in. Richard must have missed them agreeing to start jamming a bit, but he was happy to just watch and listen for a moment. His eyes wandered back to Paul, who stoically stared at his guitar, avoiding everyone’s gaze.

They played their instruments together for a while and Richard tried to focus on playing his guitar – really, he tried. But his mind would wander at every given chance and he even missed the beat once or twice, which earned him a judgemental look from Schneider.

“Okay, the bridge to this song doesn’t sound half bad, but I don’t really know how to add something specific,” Flake explained as he stopped playing. “It’s not interesting enough.”

“I agree,” Schneider said and nodded. “I think the rhythm is nice, I don’t know – I could add some changes in the pace, though.”

“I don’t think you should change anything,” Till offered. “We need some different guitar riffs in my opinion. Don’t you think so, too, Paul?”

Paul’s head quirked up and he flinched almost unnoticeably, before nodding a bit too eagerly. “Uh – yes. Yes, of course.”

“Do you have something specific in mind?” Schneider wanted to know and Paul’s eyes widened. Richard could basically see him cogitating, trying to think what he had been missing while lost in his own thoughts.

“Uh, no. No – not yet, at least,” Paul answered way too rushed, giving away that he had absolutely not paid attention to anything during the last minutes.

“Richard?” Olli addressed him and Richard immediately shook his head.

“Not really,” he answered, “but I can try to think of something for next week – for that particular part, I mean.”

“Yeah that would be great,” Schneider said, a bit of annoyance audible in his voice. Fuck, Richard really needed to get his shit together or  _ everyone _ would realise something was off in the next thirty minutes.

The problem was – Paul wasn’t his usual concentrated and perfectionist self, either. Richard was becoming more and more sure that it had definitely something to do with  _ him _ , or more specifically, with his online dating profile. God, he– 

“Richard,” Till exclaimed, “this had been your cue. Can you concentrate for a second?”

“Yes! Yes. I’m sorry. I – am not feeling so good today, I – sorry”, Richard replied. Which wasn’t a lie. Not at all. But not everyone needed to know the whole truth, right? 

They started all over and this time, Richard started playing at the right moment, the right accord and with the right sound, thankfully. He wouldn’t have needed another interrogation why he wasn’t able to get his shit together.

But, in earnest, how was he supposed to keep his composure in all of this mess? Paul was sitting mere meters away from him, looking everywhere but at Richard and was as nervous as someone who was about to write an exam. Richard found himself staring at Paul way too often, pondering what the fuck was going on in his head.

He wanted to know so badly whether he had a chance with Paul or if his whole pining was utterly pointless. God, why couldn’t he read Paul’s mind? This would make things so much easier. Or not. Depending on Paul’s thoughts. If he was grossed out by Richard, it wouldn’t improve anything about his situation. But would it make it so much easier if Paul had feelings for him, too?

Damn, this was a clusterfuck and there was no easy way out. Honestly, the best thing would be if Paul’s mood hadn’t had anything to do with the dating portal and this was just a big misunderstanding. But, to be fair, Richard didn’t even believe that himself. There were too many hints giving away that Paul, indeed, had stumbled over his profile. Now Richard just needed to find out whether he was panicking because he also had feelings for him or if he was disgusted by him being interested in men. Shit, it sounded so much easier than it was.

He needed to think of a plan, because going on like this wouldn’t work, it was almost impossible to concentrate on anything right now– 

“I guess we should wrap up for today,” Till said with a sigh. “Seems like we are all not in the right mindset right now – what do you think?”

“Good idea!” Paul said way too enthusiastically and immediately put his guitar into its case, as Flake and Olli both looked at him with raised eyebrows. Richard couldn’t help himself and stared at Paul, who hurried to pack his things. 

Shit. What if Paul just wanted to get away from Richard because he actually didn’t like him? Because he didn’t want to spend his time with Richard anymore after finding whatever information on his profile that freaked him out? Oh fuck, oh fuck,  _ oh fuck _ .

“Okay, see you next week!”, Paul said, a forced smile on his lips as he rushed out of the door, leaving the rest of the band with puzzled expressions on their faces behind.

After a short moment in which everyone just gawked at the door falling shut, Richard bowed down to open his guitar case, as he felt a big hand on his shoulder. He raised his gaze and looked directly into Till’s face, whose eyebrow was quirked, his head tilted in curiosity. 

_ Uh-oh. _

This wasn’t good. Not at all. 

To be honest: This was bad. Very bad.

Richard had hoped he could have avoided this. He had hoped it hadn’t been too obvious that he had been asleep at the switch, but apparently, Till had gotten wind of something being off.

“Can I talk to you for a moment after everyone else is gone?” He murmured, making sure only Richard could hear his words while everyone else was busy with gathering their stuff.

“Why?” Richard asked, obviously knowing what it was going to be about.

“Richard,” Till scolded him and hearing his name in that tone was enough.

Richard sighed in surrender. “Okay. Yeah, I will stay a bit longer.”

“I thought so,” Till answered, a self-satisfied smile on his face, before he turned around and spoke to Schneider. They exchanged a few words which Richard didn’t perceive, since his heart was hammering so loudly in his chest that he couldn’t hear anything else.

Richard put his guitar into its case with shaky hands and sat down on the small couch afterwards, lightening up a cigarette. Not only to satisfy his addiction, but also to calm his nerves. Mostly to calm his nerves. He almost didn’t realise Till had made sure everyone left without many further words and even before he finished smoking, everyone else had left the room. 

Everyone except for Till, who was standing with crossed arms in front of him, a challenging look on his face.

“Okay, would you mind telling me what’s been up with you today?”, Till asked.

“I already told you – I am not feeling particularly well,” Richard answered, avoiding Till’s gaze since he knew this information wouldn’t be enough.

“And why is that?” Till inquired, as Richard had feared he would.

“I – I don’t even know,” Richard lied, suddenly very interested in examining the filter of his cigarette. Maybe if he wouldn’t look at Till, he would let it– 

“Cut the bullshit, Reesh,” Till requested. “I know that you know that I won’t stop asking for answers until the cat is out of the bag. So you might as well spill the beans right now and spare us some unnecessary discussions.”

Of course he wouldn’t let it be.

“Till, I – I don’t even know where to start. This whole thing… it’s just such a mess,” Richard admitted, stubbing out his cigarette and immediately lightening up a new one.

“Does it have something to do with Paul?” Till asked.

“Why would you think that?” Richard replied hastily and somehow, he already felt found out.

“Because he also was more than strange today. And don’t tell me you hadn’t noticed,” Till explained. “So, I ask you again: Does it have something to do with Paul?”

Richard remained silent, not knowing what to answer. He couldn’t lie, but he also didn’t want to tell Till everything. Simply because he didn’t know how to even explain that clusterfuck of a situation.

“So it  _ does  _ have to do something with Paul,” Till reasoned.

Richard hid his face behind his hands. There was no point in denying it anymore. “Yes. Yes, it does.”

“I thought so,” Till concluded, sitting down beside Richard on the couch. “Do I have to drag the rest of the information out of you or will you tell me voluntarily?”

Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, Richard raised his hands in defeat. “I don’t have a choice, do I?” he asked rhetorically. “You won’t let me leave before you know everything.”

Till chuckled almost inaudibly. “That’s probably true.”

“Ah, I hate you, Till,” Richard said but there was no real force behind his words. He took his time with answering, though, slowly finishing his cigarette, and Till waited patiently for him to start, not pressuring him furthermore.

“You know, I–” Richard started but interrupted himself. Stupid. This was just stupid and ridiculous and it even sounded daft in his mind – how should he say it out loud?! “Shit, this is fucked up, Till. This is… I don’t even know where to start.”

“Well,” Till said, putting a big paw onto his shoulder. “You know I am not going to laugh at you, right?”

Richard snorted. “I wouldn’t be so sure if I were you. The whole situation is extremely ridiculous.”

“How about a bet?” Till suggested with amusement in his voice. “If I laugh, I owe you a three course dinner. My place, I cook.”

“And what if you don’t?”

“Nothing. Consider it as my amends for keeping you here,” Till told him, looking at Richard with a questioning look on his face. “What do you say?”

“Alright, why not,” Richard answered. “Deal.”

Richard took a deep breath and lit up another cigarette, offering Till one of them, too. They started to smoke in silence and Richard tried to tell himself he had nothing to fear. Till was his friend, goddammit. He took a deep, deep breath, before he felt courageous enough to start talking.

“You know, I felt kinda lonely, so I set up this profile on an online dating portal and I also kinda wanted to distract me from my weird emotions regarding Paul and I thought that this would be a great idea, if not to find the love of my life, at least it would–”

“Richard,” Till interrupted him. “Can you, like, breathe?”

Richard blinked. Once. Twice. Then he realised he, indeed, had been rushing to get his words out so quickly that he forgot to breathe properly.

“Okay. Okay, you’re right. You know, this is just so absurd and – well. Anyway. This profile. I know it was stupid, but I thought it wouldn’t hurt. I didn’t post a picture of my face or wrote down my whole name,” Richard started to explain. “However, it was quite entertaining. Some people sent me messages – some of them were so ludicrous, you wouldn’t even believe me. But some were really nice. Anyway. This morning, I checked for new messages and saw that a few unknown people had recently visited my profile. One of them had deleted their account. And the user name was – brace yourself –  _ LesPaul64 _ . And if that hadn’t been Paul then I ask you what kind of coincidence that would be. And now I simply don’t know what the fuck I should do.”

A soft smile played around Till’s lips, clearly a bit amused, but he, indeed, didn’t laugh and Richard gave him credit for that. Because, to be fair, this whole situation was a mess.

“That explains a lot,” Till mused after a long moment of silence and Richard turned his head to look at his friend.

“ _ What _ exactly does that explain?” Richard asked in bewilderment, almost burning the couch with his cigarette as he tried to get into a more comfortable position.

“Well, first and foremost, why you have been throwing glances at Paul when you thought nobody was looking,” Till told him, but his voice lacks any teasing tone. “Why you always want to sit close to him. Why you always laugh at his bad jokes.”

“Fuck, is it that obvious?” Richard panicked, running his hand through his hair.

“No. Actually, I don’t think any of the others has realised it. Least of all Paul himself. Damn, this man can be so oblivious,” Till sighed and shook his head in disbelief. “Sometimes I can’t believe how blind people who are still in possession of both their eyes are. Same goes for you, too.”

“Wha– why for me, too?” Richard asked, puzzled. 

Till smiled affectionately at him. “Love  _ does  _ make blind, huh? Have you ever looked at Paul when he looks at you? How he praises how you play the guitar? And how he unnecessarily touches you when nobody else is watching?”

“It’s Paul. He’s always touchy and smiley and happy,” Richard brushed Till’s word aside. “It’s not unusual.”

Till groaned. “It is, believe me. In the amount he does it with  _ you _ , it’s not common anymore, even for him. I know he likes you – and yes, more than just a friend likes a friend, Richard.”

“So you think it could have been this profile on his dating portal?” Richard wanted to know, raising an eyebrow.

“Perhaps. I don’t know. It could have been him – especially considering how he acted today,” Till explained. “But there’s only one way to find out.”

“How?” Richard asked, already afraid of the answer.

“You have to ask him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments are, as always, so much appreciated and will keep me going! Until (hopefully) next week!


	3. Kann man Herzen stehlen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, everyone!  
> Here it is, as promised, the last chapter for this little fanfic. It got a bit longer than I intended it to be, so I hope you don't mind.  
> The chapter title is, again, a line from Rammstein's "Links 2 3 4" and means: Can you steal a heart.  
> And yes, I had to change the rating, too. The boys decided it on their own, I had no saying in it.  
> Okay, enough of rambling - I need to thank my wonderful beta [Milrekki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milrekki) since she always makes sure the stuff I write is coherent and readable. Thank you, my love, it means a lot to me.

Paul took a deep breath.

With his eyes closed and his teeth clenched so hard that his jaw hurt, he sat on his couch and tried to even out his breathing. The whole situation was so fucked up right now and he had no idea how to improve it.

Somehow he had survived this rehearsal and now had another week to prepare himself for the next one. Granted, it would definitely be the opposite of easy, but at least he had time to  _ think  _ about how to act. And then hopefully he’d be able to keep up the facade – unlike today where he had failed miserably. He needed to calm down very urgently.

Right now, though, he just wanted to punch something.

Why didn’t he have his feelings under control? Why had he been staring at Richard at every single moment, while his heart had been beating in his chest faster and harder than Schneider played his drums? And why couldn’t he simply forget about Richard?

Ah, fuck!

Before he would really start to batter something and thus destroy his furniture in the process, Paul decided it was time to fix himself a big white coffee with lots of milk foam. And maybe afterwards he’d play the guitar a bit to clear his mind. At least, he could make some loud and strummy noises and hopefully let off steam.

The coffee machine buzzed quietly as Paul’s beloved beverage dribbled into the cup and he waited impatiently for it, walking up and down in the kitchen in the meantime. Just as he was about to take the cup into his hand, the doorbell rang and Paul rolled his eyes.

He couldn’t even drink his coffee in peace after this day had gotten worse and worse with every minute that had passed. And, of course, now another idiot was going to bother him with whatever bullshit they’d come up with.

Paul swore to himself if it were Jehovah’s Witnesses or some other idiotic cult who were waiting on the other side of the door, he’d make them regret ever coming to his apartment. Annoyed, he walked to his entrance door, tearing it open in one swift resentful motion, ready to scream out his anger, only to find–

“Richard?” he asked in bewilderment, his anger fading away and being replaced by nervousness and discomfort. Immediately, his heart started to race again, the memories of finding Richard’s profile on the dating portal and the awkwardness of today’s rehearsal flashing before his inner eye, making him flinch.

“Hey, uh, Paul,” Richard greeted, wrenching his hands in a jittery gesture and carefully avoiding eye contact. Paul couldn’t think of anything positive that behaviour could mean.

“What do  _ you  _ want?” Paul wanted to know and his words sounded much harsher than he intended. Immediately, he felt a pang of regret as he saw how Richard flinched and sucked in a breath.

“I – it’s, you know…” he stammered and Paul really wished he could just close the door into Richard’s face. Paul really wasn’t ready to face anything Richard was about to say. Maybe it wouldn’t even have anything to do with that dating portal, but Paul was afraid it would be exactly about  _ that _ . 

Richard sighed. “Can I come in?”

Paul hesitated for a short moment, but then stepped aside to let Richard in. He was his friend, after all, for fuck’s sake. And although Paul himself felt kind of embarrassed by the recent incidents, he could at least try to show some respect towards Richard, who was not the one to blame. 

It wasn’t Richard’s fault that Paul had a crush on him. It wasn’t his fault that they both had had accounts on this dating portal. So it was time for him to get his shit together – if only his heart stopped beating so hard and fast and his hands desisted from feeling sweaty, it would be very helpful.

Richard brushed past him into his apartment, the familiar scent of his usual cologne, his leather jacket and cigarette smoke wafted up to Paul’s nose and he inhaled unconsciously. Fuck, how was this man allowed to look so handsome and smell so intoxicatingly, too, all the while having an amazing voice and also an enormously big heart? This world was not fair.

“Do you also want a coffee? I just fixed myself one,” Paul said while closing the door and walking behind Richard along the corridor.

“Yes,” Richard answered. “I’d love to, thanks.”

Once they both arrived in the kitchen, Paul made another coffee for Richard. Black, no sugar, no milk. He knew Richard’s preference by now, not only when it came to coffee. Those were the perks of playing together in a band for almost fifteen years by now. Not that Paul hadn’t spent an unnecessary amount of time trying to figure out what Richard liked or disliked – no, not at all – especially not when it came to things he couldn’t simply ask him about.

Meanwhile, Richard took off his jacket and threw it over the barstool before sitting down on top of it. Paul’s kitchen island was built a bit higher than usual, with a bar counter on one end, so you could sit down there for a quick meal or a chat with the person who was cooking.

Paul waited for the coffee machine to finish, feeling Richard’s gaze on his back. He dreaded turning around, not wanting to face the upcoming conversation. Usually, he wasn’t one to fear a confrontation and he often dived head-first into a fight, but this was different.

This time, he knew before starting to talk that a wrong word could change his whole life, presumably for the worst instead for the better. And because he also knew he wasn’t good at filtering his words before saying them out loud, he didn’t want to start a discussion that more or less could decide the future of his band.

Paul carried his milk coffee and Richard’s black one over to the bar counter, forcing himself to flash a smile when their eyes met. His gut clenched and his heart, which had slowed down as he had waited for the coffee, started to race again immediately. Paul compelled himself to breathe evenly as he sat down on the barstool beside Richard, who clenched his hands around his hot cup of coffee as if holding onto it for dear life.

“Thank you for the coffee,” Richard said after a while of uncomfortable silence and Paul nodded.

“You’re welcome,” he answered, stirring his coffee absent-mindedly. His thoughts were running wild, imagining scenarios about how this fucked-up situation could end and the most realistic ones did not end particularly well for Paul.

“Paul, I… I need– I want to talk to you about something,” Richard muttered, looking at Paul and searching for eye contact. Paul tried to resist the urge to look at him, but ultimately, he lifted his gaze. 

There was worry in Richard’s eyes, his brows furrowed and he chewed on his bottom lip, as he always did when he didn’t have a cigarette he could use to relieve his stress. Now, as they were close, Paul could see Richard’s hair was ruffled, too, as if he had run his fingers a bit too often through it.

The fact that Richard also seemed to be quite nervous about what was about to follow didn’t exactly soothe Paul’s mind. In fact, he had a hard time breathing, if he was honest with himself. 

“I – oh god, this is so ridiculous,” Richard began and interrupted himself, running a hand over his face. “Paul, have you – did you find my profile on this stupid online dating portal?”

Paul’s heart stopped beating for a second, before it decided to make up for the standstill and started racing thrice as fast as absolutely necessary. Maybe he should have fixed himself a chamomile tea instead of a coffee.

“What dating portal?” Paul asked, hoping his confusion would sound somewhat genuine.

“Come on, the one where you also had an account?” Richard stated, annoyance clear in his voice. “Or do you want to tell me that  _ LesPaul64 _ wasn’t you?”

“I don’t have an online dating portal account,” Paul answered, convincing himself he was telling the truth, since, well, he didn’t have a profile anymore.

“So you are indeed trying to tell me you are not  _ LesPaul64 _ ?” Richard tried again and Paul’s hope that he’d drop it rather sooner than later became negligibly small.

“Why should I be?” Paul mimed the innocent who he clearly was not. He hated lying, he wasn’t used to it, since he simply always said what came to his mind. No filter, no double-thinking.

Richard sighed. “For obvious reasons. The name, for starters. And the other one is that said user deleted their account quite immediately after visiting my profile. Which, well, I can understand – we are friends, bandmates, it is awkward,” he explained, fixing his gaze on Paul. “But I also don’t understand, because, usually, you would use it as a big joke and tease me with it, we’d both laugh about it and the subject would be closed.”

Paul said nothing and in the silence of the room he was sure Richard could hear his heart hammering in his chest. Instead, he stared into his coffee and just hoped for the moment to pass. His despair, his helplessness started to turn from defensiveness into slight anger. Couldn’t Richard let it be? Fuck, Paul just wanted things to be  _ normal  _ again between them. If he could turn back the time, he’d just make sure anything since yesterday hadn’t happened at all, starting with opening Richard’s dating portal profile.

“So, I ask myself – what have I done? Did I say or do anything wrong? Did you read something on my profile page that freaked you out?” Richard inquired, not averting his gaze, not even as he took a sip of his coffee. “Tell me what it is, Paul. Because it’s eating me up from the inside and I can’t deal with the self-doubts and angst your inflictive glances are giving me.”

Paul’s head snapped up and he finally looked Richard into his eyes. How did this man always make everything about  _ himself _ ? His gut clenched and his jaw followed suit, however, he wasn’t able to keep silent for much longer.

“The inflictive glances  _ I _ am giving you?” Paul barked. “Are you fucking kidding me? You looked at me throughout the whole rehearsal as if I had single-handedly drowned your pet or something.”

“Because you avoided looking at me. You didn’t even say  _ hello _ properly!” Richard retorted. “So I ask you again – what was it that freaked you out? The knowledge I am willing to date men? Is it that?”

“Of course not! Although I might have been thankful if you hadn’t specified that because  _ maybe  _ then I wouldn’t have found your profile and–”

_ Fuck _ .

Paul realised in the exact moment the words had left his mouth that he had made a big mistake. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Now Richard knew he had been lying to his face, on top of all this mess.

“So it fucking was you!” Richard shouted, getting up from his stool, almost knocking over his cup of coffee, and running a hand through his hair. “I can’t believe you lied to me, Paul! What– why? I don’t get it! Please, explain it to me since I am completely lost right now!”

“I tried not to make it worse!” Paul yelled back. “I hoped if I just didn’t mention it and deleted my profile – well. Then, this awkwardness wouldn’t have appeared and we could have continued living our lives like before. But then you had to snoop through your last visitors and everything went downhill!”

“And now this suddenly is my fault?” Richard countered, snorting in a chorus of outrage. “You find my profile and–”

He stopped mid-sentence, his face softening and his eyes becoming wide as saucers. Paul didn’t have a good feeling about what was about to follow and he hated it, that he,  _ again _ , didn’t get the picture.

“Y-You–” Richard stuttered, opening and closing his mouth like a fish, but no words coming out of it. It took him a moment to find his voice again. A moment in which Paul just wanted to vanish into thin air.

“You – my profile had been  _ suggested  _ to you, right? That… that means,” Richard blurted, not being able to form a coherent sentence. “Are you – you are interested in men, too, right?”

Paul’s throat felt as dry as a desert and he sucked in a breath as he stared at Richard; his mind blank as a white sheet of paper. But before Paul had a chance to form a reasonable thought, Richard went on.

“Of course – you wouldn't have found, or shall I say stumbled, over my account otherwise,” Richard continued to muse, his face lightening up a bit as Paul watched him solving the puzzle, piece by piece.

Then, Richard’s expression darkened again as his brows furrowed. “But I don't understand why, Paul. Why didn't you tell me? What – what were you so afraid of? We are friends, aren’t we?” Richard requested and Paul immediately felt the urge to defend himself. 

“Of course!” He yelped and threw his hands in the air. “And that’s  _ exactly  _ the problem! Also – you didn't tell me either! I had to find out that you’re into men by finding your fucking profile on a stupid dating portal!” 

“You could have simply asked me!” Richard stated. 

“Well, and what should I have asked?  _ Richard, do you also like men and would like to go on a date with me? _ Yeah, not stupid at all.”

Richard blinked. Once. Twice. 

Slowly, Paul recalled the words he had just said and as realisation struck him, he immediately tried to save the situation, while his heart tried to jump out of his chest and he felt sick. Why couldn’t he think, just once, before saying something. 

“Anyway, that's not the point! I just wanted–”

“But that’s  _ exactly  _ the point,” Richard interrupted him weakly, his voice soft and his mouth slightly ajar, as he stepped closer, right into Paul’s personal space. Richard licked over his lips, shortly looking away before locking his eyes with Paul’s again. 

Paul’s breath hitched as Richard put a hand onto his shoulder, fingers close enough to his neck, so that his thumb stroked over the soft skin at his pulse point. The touch was soft and loving, but Paul flinched at the sudden contact and stared at Richard, wide-eyed and nervous. 

His stomach twisted, his hands sweating and he despised every second of this moment. He hated that he seemed to be the one not knowing, not understanding the full picture yet and it almost drove him into madness. 

“Paul,” Richard said quietly, but the tremor in his voice was undoubtedly audible. “I – if I got this wrong, then… Well, then I – I am truly sorry. But if…  _ ah shit _ , if I am not – then I’d really like to kiss you right now.”

Paul exhaled in surprise, letting out the breath he had still been holding. Richard was so close. Close enough for Paul to feel the warmth radiating from Richard, to hear his quick breathing, to smell the scent that lingered on him. The intoxicating mixture of leather and tobacco and his cologne that Paul liked so much and he inhaled deeply once more.

Richard looked at him with worry in his eyes, waiting for an affirmation, a sign to either lean in or step back. For this short moment, Paul finally felt like he got the upper hand over this situation. He knew more than Richard, he had things under control again, he was the one in charge.

Before Paul could give him the chance to react first, he put his hand onto Richard’s nape and flashed him a short, but earnest smile. Richard looked at him in bewilderment, but before he could say something, Paul pulled him down, meeting him half-way to capture his lips in a soft kiss.

The kiss didn’t stay soft and chaste for long. After Richard had processed what was happening, he dived into it, laying both hands onto Paul’s nape to hold him still and answering the kiss fiercely. Paul licked demandingly over Richard’s lips, who opened his mouth willingly, inviting him in. They both groaned into the kiss and Paul buried his hand in Richard’s hair, messing it up.

Gasping for air, Richard broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Paul’s. Their gazes met and the unpleasant tension that had lasted between them during the day dissolved into breathless laughter.

“Fuck, I – I wanted to do this for… too long, I guess,” Richard murmured, a broad smile on his face, letting his hands roam over Paul’s back.

“Then let’s do it again,” Paul answered breathlessly and wasted no time to lock their lips again. Richard didn’t protest, answering it passionately and lifting Paul’s shirt in the meantime to touch his bare skin.

Paul hummed in appreciation, enjoying the sensation of brisk fingers trailing over his lower back. He licked into Richard’s mouth, savouring the taste he thought he’d be denied forever. He tasted of coffee and cigarettes; a taste that reminded Paul of  _ home _ and  _ warmth _ and it belonged to Richard – the man he was finally able to touch, to kiss, to undress.

Paul felt his arousal rising, coiling in his gut and making him want more. Kissing was suddenly no longer enough, greediness and need took over, erasing the coherent thoughts that had still been running through his mind. 

He pushed Richard backwards without breaking the kiss, aiming to press him against the kitchen counter. They stumbled over a barstool and Richard grunted as he almost fell, only held up by Paul’s strong arms that were wrapped tightly around his body.

Richard released his grip on Paul’s back, reaching for the countertop to find his balance again. Once he had leaned himself against it, he pulled up Paul’s shirt, boldly opting for taking it off and Paul gasped in pleasant surprise. He let go of Richard, lifting his arms so he could be undressed. Right after the shirt had landed on the floor, Paul leaned in, immediately capturing Richard’s lips in a passionate kiss and pushing him against the counter.

Paul slipped his hands beneath Richard’s shirt, wanting to touch him desperately now, and was pleased by the warm and soft skin he felt underneath his fingertips. He savoured the moment, still not completely grasping the fact that he was actually doing this – that it was not a dream after all.

Richard ran his hands over Paul’s back, giving him goosebumps wherever he touched him, while he started kissing down his neck, sending jolts of pleasure through his body. Paul got impatient quickly, the kisses on his neck driving him crazy and the sliver of Richard’s skin he got access to no longer sufficient. He pushed the shirt up, all the way over Richard’s chest, who grunted in disapproval of having to back off of Paul, but he raised his arms nonetheless.

Before they closed the distance between each other again, Paul took a moment to admire Richard’s torso. His heart was drumming in his chest as he lifted his hand to touch Richard’s chest, carefully caressing the skin before running a finger over a nipple. Richard hissed in surprise and Paul took it as an invitation to do it again, this time rolling it between his fingertips, making Richard moan softly.

He leaned in, carefully biting into Richard’s shoulder, enjoying the way he flinched underneath him, before licking over the spot and kissing his way up to the jaw. It tasted slightly salty and Paul savoured it, not getting enough of Richard in any way.

Richard closed his arms around him, digging his fingernails into Paul’s spine and pulled him in. Paul pushed his leg between Richard’s as he took a small step forward, making sure to be as close as he could get, wanting more contact, more friction. He rubbed his hip against Richard’s groin, making them both groan in unison at the sudden touch. 

Paul could feel Richard was already hard in his pants, beneath all those layers of fabric which still kept them apart, and he felt a pang of desperation in his gut, making him aware of his own erection. Rubbing himself slowly against Richard’s leg, he trailed his tongue over his collarbone until closing his lips over his nipple, sucking it in.

Richard yelped, his fingernails digging into Paul’s back, scratching over the soft skin and probably leaving red marks that’d still be visible tomorrow. Paul didn’t mind, he liked the soft burn of it, the way it would stay there for a few days, a reminder of the heat of this moment. Sucking at Richard’s nipple and biting into it every now and then, he let his hands run down his stomach until his fingers got caught in the fabric of the jeans.

Paul moved his hips again, pushing his own erection against Richard’s, whereupon Richard moaned, encouraging Paul to repeat his motion. Still maltreating Richard’s nipple, Paul pushed his hand in between them. He cupped Richard’s cock through his pants, rubbing it deliberately and Paul felt him melting underneath his touch – something Paul very much appreciated. 

Getting greedier and impatient, Paul started twiddling with the button of Richard’s jeans, before a wave of slight panic washed over him. What if Richard didn’t want this right now? What if Paul was taking it too far, too soon?

His heart almost jumped out of his chest because of the nervousness that suddenly overcame him. He stood up straight again and locked his eyes with Richard’s, while his fingers still rested on the button fly of his jeans. Paul licked over his lips, trying to think of the right words, but his mind was spectacularly empty.

“I – is it okay?” he asked, his voice hoarse, as his fingers trailed along Richard’s belly, right on top of his pants. Paul averted Richard’s gaze, feeling heat rushing into his cheeks and a sudden sense of insecurity becoming noticeable.

Richard smiled lopsidedly, lifting his hands to frame Paul’s face, tilting it upwards again and making sure he looked him in the eyes. 

“Getting all shy now, are we?” he teased in an affectionate tone, stroking over Paul’s cheeks with his thumbs.

“Oh, fuck you,” Paul broke into a soft chuckle, relieved that he hadn’t started a discussion or hadn’t made Richard second-guess his choices.

Richard laughed lowly, before resting his forehead against Paul’s. They breathed the same air for a long moment, before Richard spoke up again.

“Of course it is okay,” he assured him, before pulling Paul’s face close to seal his lips with his own in a reassuring kiss. They lost themselves in it for a some time and Paul licked into Richard’s mouth, enjoying how his tongue felt together.

The kiss turned sloppier and greedier only moments later, as Paul started nibbling at Richard’s lips, biting into the soft flesh and running his tongue over it. Richard sucked in a breath at that, before he let his hands wander downwards. He rested them on Paul’s ass eventually, digging his nails into it and making Paul moan.

Feeling bolder now, Paul opened the upper button on Richard’s jeans first, then the second one. He broke the kiss to lick a wet line down Richard’s neck, enjoying the foreign taste that started to become more familiar already on his tongue. Richard hummed in appreciation and Paul slowly, almost teasingly, pushed his hands into the back of the trousers. He slipped his fingers beneath the waistband, though still above Richard’s underpants, and let his hands roam over his ass.

A voiceless moan escaped Richard’s mouth and Paul smirked, enjoying the noises he could draw from him without much effort. He withdrew his hands to open the other buttons on Richard’s pants, so that they fell down onto the tiles of the kitchen floor. 

Richard pulled off his shoes with his feet, not bothering to untie the laces beforehand, so that he could step out of the trousers which still clung around his ankles. When he had freed himself from it, he tried to pull Paul close again, but he put his hands onto Richard’s ribcage. Paul held him distant at arm-length to admire Richard’s torso unhurriedly, not just a shy glimpse when nobody else was paying attention.

Paul had always liked Richard’s body, and he had been stealing glances whenever he had had the chance before, marvelling at his pecs. Richard was hot and sexy and even now, being only a bit over forty, he still looked fantastic – his stomach flat, his chest muscular. 

Sometimes, Paul got a bit jealous of how easily Richard could pull off that sexy look, how natural it came to him, while for himself – well, he sometimes felt a bit ridiculous just  _ trying _ . Sure, he knew he wasn’t bad-looking, that he could be dorky, happy, funny and could also pull off a serious look, but he rarely considered himself sexy. 

Richard, however, just needed to put on his eyeliner and some fancy belts and Paul had a hard time concentrating on anything else. God, this man looked absolutely stunning and Paul’s fingers itched, wanting to touch him again. He trailed with his fingers over Richard’s stomach, until they reached the waistband of his black underpants where they lingered.

Paul felt his breath quickening in anticipation as his eyes stuck on the outline of Richard’s cock, straining against the soft fabric and showing visibly how eager he was. Carefully caressing over it with his thumb, Paul felt the warmth of the hot flesh underneath the thin pants and as he rubbed his palm over it, he got rewarded with an impatient moan.

“Fuck, you’re so damn hot,” Paul mumbled breathlessly and Richard hummed, slightly amused.

“Look who’s talking,” he answered and ran his fingers over Paul’s chest, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine. Paul smiled, letting himself being pulled close again, but his hand remained on top of Richard’s dick. Richard kissed him again, hot, eager and hungry, before nestling with Paul’s fly on his part. Paul’s cock twitched in anticipation and he moaned into the kiss as Richard opened the button first and then the zipper, pushing the pants down immediately afterwards. 

Richard closed his fingers around Paul’s ass, squeezing a bit and eliciting a low groan from Paul, who arched his back in approval. It was so unbelievable pleasurable, so much better than he could have ever had imagined, to have Richard like this.

Paul let his lips trail over Richard’s neck, softly biting into his shoulder and savouring the little sound Richard made when he felt daring hands pushing into his underpants. Richard’s fingers were cool against his pelvis and Paul shuddered in pleasure, moving his hips involuntarily.

Getting impatient and greedy now, Paul massaged Richard’s cock through his briefs, feeling him leaning into the touch and loving that he was apparently as eager as himself. Paul didn’t ask for permission this time, as he simply pulled down the underpants and let them fall onto the floor.

He could see how Richard’s breath quickened, then slightly shaking fingers lifted his chin and pulled him into a kiss which Paul avidly answered. He felt like he needed to reassure Richard that this was what he wanted, this was what he had wished for, and that he didn’t need to be afraid of Paul changing his mind. 

“I want you,” Paul therefore told him, his voice coarse and breathless as he broke the kiss, gasping for air.

“Then have me,” Richard answered huskily, still a bit of insecurity audible in his voice and Paul decided to forego talking just for once. He put his fingers onto Richard’s nipple, playing with it, carefully first, then a bit rougher, before trailing down and reaching for his cock.

Richard hissed at the sudden contact but immediately began to relax as Paul started moving his hand, slowly and steadily. His own heart racing in his chest; his dick, still trapped in his underpants, longing for attention.

Paul’s grip around Richard’s cock was soft but firm, almost a bit teasing, but he was in no rush, wanting to savour the moment a bit longer. Richard moved his hips to the rhythm, aiming for more friction Paul was yet not willing to give him.

Nails scratched over Paul’s back, making him hiss in surprise before Richard let his hands wander down to his hips. Not wasting another second, he freed Paul of his briefs and greedy fingers instantly closed around his cock.

Paul groaned, throwing his head back in pleasure, his eyes falling shut involuntarily. How long had it been since someone else than himself had touched him there? How often had he wished it would be Richard? And how many times had he imagined it had been him? 

His train of thoughts was interrupted as Richard started to move his hand, adapting to the already ongoing rhythm. Richard put his head onto his shoulder, licking over the skin and holding onto Paul’s hips with his free hand, digging his fingertips into the flesh hard enough to leave bruises.

Paul didn’t mind – he liked being reminded of the fact that this was Richard, eager and passionate, who was here with him, sharing this moment with Paul and leaving marks on his skin. He moved his hips, shifting his weight onto his other leg and with that, their cocks touched and both of them sucked in a breath, moaning excitedly. Paul leaned his head against Richard’s, searching for support and craving for the feeling of his cheek touching his own.

He could feel Richard’s hot breath on his skin, sending a shiver down his spine. Paul quickened up the pace of his hand moving up and down on Richard’s cock, making sure to run his thumb over the frenulum every now and then.

Richard’s breath came in short, ragged blows by now, his own hand adjusting to the speed that had been set, and his fingers danced over Paul’s cock. Groaning gutturally, Paul sank his teeth into Richard’s shoulder, muffling the sound that left his mouth. He was getting closer to the edge, the desire in his gut burning hotter than fire.

“Paul,” Richard begged, his voice sounding foreign even in Paul’s ears, but he understood. He ran his thumb over the head of Richard’s cock again, smearing the precome and making him moan. 

Richard twisted his fingers in a weird but pleasurable way with every motion now and Paul moved his hips, trying to get more friction, to quicken the pace, to get more, to get everything. He became frantic now, the rhythm changing into something irregular, as his mind was completely overrun by desire.

Paul opened his eyes for a second and the sight of their hands around each other’s cock almost brought him through. He was panting, gasping for air, searching for release, although he wished he could draw this out for a bit longer.

“Reesh,” Paul tried to warn him, as he felt himself getting too close to the tipping point. The desire got so strong, curling in his gut before breaking, washing over his body in blissful waves and leaving him behind breathlessly and empty-minded.

He felt Richard coming, too, his soft grunts and moans filling the room as the warm liquid hit Paul’s hand and stomach only seconds after his own release. Collapsing against Richard, who leaned back and used the kitchen counter as a support, Paul closed his arms around him to pull him into a tight hug.

They stood there for a long moment, eyes closed and just catching their breaths, enjoying having the other one so close. Paul inhaled Richard’s smell, finding comfort in it and savouring the feeling of the skin against his cheek.

“Well,” Richard chuckled after some time, still a bit out of breath, a smile playing around his lips. Paul raised his head, looking at Richard, curious about what apparently was so funny. With the back of his hand, Richard stroked over Paul’s cheek, who leaned into the touch, half closing his eyes again. Apparently, Richard had gotten distracted by looking at Paul’s eyes and his facial features, since he didn’t keep on talking.

“Well – what?” Paul inquired, raising a questioning eyebrow as Richard didn’t go on.

“I guess…” Richard retried, but started laughing again at his own thoughts before he pulled himself together. With a wide grin, he continued. “…I can definitely delete my dating portal account now, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end!  
> Thank you, all of you, for reading, leaving kudos, and especially for commenting. Your support means a lot to me!  
> If you ever want to scream with me about our beloved guitar husbands, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://soronya.tumblr.com/)!  
> As always, kudos and comments are very much appreciated!


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